What's been on my mind lately...

So, I haven't posted anything in a few weeks. Things have really been busy and half the time, I'm worrying about just making sure I haven't forgotten anything. But, there have been some pressing things on my mind that are intertwined and point to a single topic: the future.

Here they are in order of importance:

1. My daughter

2. The election

3. Jennifer Hudson tragedy


My daughter
A few weeks ago, I took my daughter to her weekly music class. We both love it! hehe! J During part of the music class, all of the kids sit down while music is playing in the background and they get a chance to play their own instruments. That particular day, we were sitting next to a little boy who is quite boisterous. He repeatedly kept trying to swat at Jada and even attempted to do a sumersault on top of her. After the third attempt to knock my daughter down, I couldn't take it anymore. I literally had to stop myself from yanking this kid and telling him to stay away. And, Jada just looked at me as if to say, "Why is this kid so mean." I was thinking the same thing.


The election
All I have to say is let's elect a president already! I can feel my blood pressure rising as I think about it. And, I'm actually grateful for the times when I can turn off the news, log off of my computer and not think about it. The election has taken over our household...in a good way. It's almost like the balance between a more perfect and a less perfect America is predicated on what happens on November 4th. I even read an article on Huffington Post about African-American women who have increased hypertension directly related to the election.

Jennifer Hudson
My heart just broke when I heard that three of her family members had been brutally killed. All I could do was pray and ask, “Why?” How could another human being take three lives like that? I know that life is hard. I know the economy is in the pits, but life is not THAT bad! And, more than anything, I felt for Jennifer and her family because their sense of security was gone.


It seems as if a new era is beginning in this country. Our world is not as safe as it used to be. Lives are being lost every day. There are bullies who sometimes just want to push you down and other times actually take your life. We are about to elect either the first African-American president or the first female vice-president. Politics has taken over our community’s and people are now more involved than ever. Their involved because so much is at stake. I get the feeling that, somehow, people just want to go back to the days when life was simpler. We may not have had all of the gadgets and super speed internet, but we didn’t worry about whether or not we were safe in our homes and kids treated each other well because they were disciplined well.

I know we can’t go back, but as we progress toward the future, I hope we can bring some of our past ideals with us.

Circumstances

I really miss my family. I really miss them. There’s an aching feeling I just can’t shake. I feel like a little child lost in a huge department store. I’m standing there while hundreds of people pass by me, looking at me and wondering, where is that girl’s mother!

Why do I miss them, you ask? Well, they’re in Virginia, Georgia, Florida, California and Australia, respectively. Yep, didn’t see Chicago or Illinois anywhere in that list did you? Well, you won’t. See, for some reason, my husband and I are alone on an island called Chicago. Life circumstances have kept us here, i.e., the housing market, my husband’s office lease and work.

And it’s getting a little harder to cope. I’ve been in Chicago for seven years. Sure, there have been times when I’ve missed my family, but none like now. When a baby is in the picture everything changes. Suddenly, I’m at home making dinner and wish I could call my mom and say, “Want to pick up Jada for the weekend.” Sure, that’s still possible, but not without two roundtrip tickets.

And, it’s that aching feeling that keeps coming back. Is my daughter going to miss out really knowing her grandparents? Are we depriving her of relationships with cousins and uncles and aunts?

This really hit home for me on Monday. It was cold, rainy and downright ugly outside. Pretty typical for Chicago between the months of October and April. I really didn’t feel like taking Jada out and it just seemed easier to stay in the house. Well, it’s those kinds of days when you invite family over after work. You cook a really good dinner, have a glass of wine and play a great board game like Scrabble or Monopoly.

Well, instead our day was filled with me glued to my laptop while working, Jada playing with her toys in the living room, occasionally watching an Elmo video, an okay dinner, no wine and no board game.

For once, I wanted my dream to become a reality. But, when I looked at my daughter at the end of the day and she looked back at me with those mature eyes, I realized despite my aching feeling, I still have a 14 month old who would really like to enjoy Chicago with mom and dad even though it’s cold and there's no family around. She's all we have. We're all she really knows.

So, we’re going to Jada’s music lesson at Marsha’s Music on Thursday, Goebbert's Pumpkin Patch on Friday and church at Willow Creek on Sunday. That was a quick remedy! A fun-filled family weekend.

And that aching feeling is really more of my desire to keep my definition of family the same as it has always been. But, it has to change. That’s life. Circumstances are what they are and all you can do is adapt to them and make them work. My family is now Kerry and Jada, Keyanna, Nevaeh, Trent, Janice, Daniel, Angel, John, J2, Stephanie and so many more... And they are all here in Chicago. And they all love us.

They aren’t replacing my other family members. They’re just taking care of us until circumstances change.

It Has Begun

Ok. Here it goes. I'm finally writing my first blog entry. I have to start writing again. All of the money I spent on graduate school has to go to good use somewhere. This blog isn’t just to hone my writing skills, but I’m a mom and wife. That’s enough material for the next lifetime. There are so many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head that it’s about time I put pen to paper (theoretically speaking).

Heck, this blog will probably serve as my personal therapist.

Now, to be honest, there is definitely an element of fear here. I have to really ask myself if I’m ready to pour out my thoughts and have others praise or criticize them? Thinking, thinking, thinking…well of course, I am! I'm tired of holding back. I’ll just have to get over it. I have to invest in myself somewhere. With a daughter, a marriage, a mortgage, a car payment, a full-time job, blah, blah, blah….I haven't had any time to invest in anything that really makes me happy.

And my excuse is always that I don’t have enough time. Well, no more excuses.

I'm ready to take the gloves off. I’m going to really try to not just talk about myself all of the time and invest in the plethora of diverse subjects that are flooding our nation and our world. I must warn you that I do tend to get a little abstract at times, so I’ll make sure to rein it when I can.
I’m hoping this blog will take me and my readers (crossing my fingers here!) on a great journey while discovering how to steer through life with finesse. Get ready…