What defines you?

We all identify ourselves differently. Within the last 18 months, my identity has changed from Janelle the wife and woman to Janelle the wife, the woman and the mother. In Who By Fire, I was captured by the way Diana Spechler used the circumstances in each character’s life to define them. Whether it was religion, relationships or children, each character depended on one of those circumstances to give them the identity they so desperately needed.

Is it ok to rely on a person or group to define you? You wouldn’t think so, but I know there have been times in my life where I’ve allowed that to happen. Like in seventh grade, when I was so desperate for friends, I joined the hippie group. I knew I wasn’t a hippie, but they welcomed me with open arms. Or, when I took my daughter out by myself for the first time and mimicked other mothers so I looked like I knew what I was doing.

New roles, new definition. That’s what I sum it up to. It’s about adapting to your new life or new circumstances in your life. So what if you allow something to define you for a moment? As we get older, we realize it was but for a fleeting moment. I’m obviously not a hippie and my role as a mother will never be perfect. I will constantly watch others, but am becoming more and more secure in who Jada’s mother has become. We also find out that some things stick and help to define us, but not overtake us. I especially thought that was true for Spechler’s character Asher. He pursued a life as an Orthodox Jew and held on to that aspect of his faith because for him it was just an extension of himself.

I’m constantly defining myself and will probably do it for most of my life. Being comfortable with the change is what’s important.

Original post on Mama Daisy by Janelle Marshall. Post for Silicon Valley Moms Book Club.